The Paul Monitor #6: 2009 Hoops Awards

While watching the Oscars last Sunday night, two things popped into my head: 1) I can dance circles around Hugh Jackman and 2) I wanna do my own awards show. As it turns out, Mr. Jackman doesn’t take kindly to people calling his assistant nine times in two hours demanding a dance-off, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of No. 2 on my list.

Presenting the Paul Monitor’s 2009 Hoops Awards!

Thank you for the applause!

Now, because of the economy, I was unable to book a venue nor was I able to get anybody of importance to attend the event. No matter, I held the ceremony a couple of days ago in my basement. In attendance were — my dogs, a life-sized cardboard cutout of Superman, a 1989 Starting Lineup action figure of Cal Ripkin, a Gilbert Arenas jersey draped over a chair and myself, of course.

The Paul Monitor 2009 Hoops Awards awards pulled together all of the best portions from ceremonies like the Oscars, the MTV Movie Awards, the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, The Grammy’s, etc. Pretty much everything except for the Golden Globes. I’d rather win a $20 gift certificate to Ruby Tuesday’s than a Golden Globe.

All winners are picked by the Academy of Basketball Sciences* here at DigitalSports, so don’t blame me.

*The Academy of Basketball Sciences consists of one member: Paul Frommelt. So yes, blame him.

Before we get started with the awards, here is your opening entertainment, the Osbourn Park Yellow Jacket!

Player in a Supporting Role:

The female nominees are: Stonewall Jackson’s Joy Caracciolo, Forest Park’s Briana Scott, Osbourn Park’s Destiny Shearin, Potomac’s Quiana Kizer and Woodbridge’s Katie Bolander.

And the winner is: Stonewall Jackson’s Joy Caracciolo! It’s scary to think that she still has two more years left with the Raiders.

The male nominees are: Woodbridge’s David Thomas, Hylton’s Carlton Johnson, Gar-Field’s Jeremiah Johnson and Potomac’s Dominique Goodwin.

And the winner is: Gar-Field’s Jeremiah Johnson! It could be argued that Johnson shouldn’t be in this category. To those people, I say, “Zip it!”

Best On-Court Duo:

The female nominees are: Forest Park’s Danni Jackson and Gerda Gatling, Stonewall Jackson’s Kyani White and Samantha Jordan, Potomac’s Kyana Jacobs and Quiana Kizer, Gar-Field’s Kelly Hartwell and Kasee Hilliard and Osbourn Park’s Rachel Gordon and Kelly Hamner.

And the winner is: Forest Park’s Danni Jackson and Gerda Gatling! Both players helped lead the Bruins to two consecutive Northwest Region titles.

The male nominees are: Gar-Field’s Kwasi Amponsah and Jeremiah Johnson, C.D. Hylton’s Keith Mitchell and Darrell Patterson, Battlefield’s Dion Romeo and Tim Horn and Potomac’s Justin Burrell and Dominique Goodwin.

And the winner is: C.D. Hylton’s Keith Mitchell and Darrell Patterson. Both are good enough to lead most teams in the region on their own. Hylton was lucky to have them both.

And now, for viewing pleasure, please welcome Mr. Shaquille O’Neil!

Player in a Leading Role:

The female nominees are: Stonewall Jackson’s Kyani White, Battlefield’s Selina Mann, Forest Park’s Danni Jackson and Woodbridge’s Marian Brooks.

And the winner is: Forest Park’s Danni Jackson! The Bruins’ senior shines above an extremely talent group of nominees.

The male nominees are: C.D. Hylton’s Darrell Patterson, Woodbridge’s Raphiael Putney, Battlefield’s James Robinson, C.D. Hylton’s Keith Mitchell and Gar-Field’s Kwasi Amponsah.

And the winner is: Gar-Field’s Kwasi Amponsah! This was the closest category of the night.

Achievement in Coaching:

The nominees from the girls side are: Forest Park’s Rebecca Tillett, Stonewall Jackson’s Nsonji White, Potomac’s Kendall Hayes, Woodbridge’s George Washington, Osbourn Park’s Clifton Gorham.

And the winner is: Woodbridge’s George Washington! A bit of an upset, but I think that Washington did a great job getting the Vikes to the Cardinal District finals.

The nominees from the boys side are: C.D. Hylton’s Barry Smith, Woodbridge’s Chad Anderson, Gar-Field’s Andy Gray, Battlefield’s Al Ford and Potomac’s Keith Honore.

And the winner is: Gar-Field’s Andy Gray! Getting to the Cardinal District tournament finals with a team that started 7-8 is a great accomplishment.

Best Team of the Year:

The female nominees are: Stonewall Jackson, Woodbridge, Forest Park, Osbourn Park.

And the winner is: Forest Park! Back-to-back region titles. ‘Nuff said.

The male nominees are: Gar-Field, Battlefield, C.D. Hylton, Potomac, Woodbridge.

And the winner is: C.D. Hylton! I honestly was about declare a tie with Gar-Field, but decided on the Bulldogs. They won the one that counted at the end.

That’s it folks. Thanks for sticking with DigitalSports! What’s that? You want some more of Shaq dancing? No problem.

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